Meal times with Ceilidh

Ever since she started kindergarten, Ceilidh has left us scratching our heads. As a baby she wasn't a fussy eater, but as a toddler and pre-schooler, she was extremely picky. We were always cajoling her to eat, and bribing her with dessert to finish supper. The only meal that doesn't create a fuss is chicken nuggets and fries.
When the news came that she would be attending full-day kindergarten, I worried about what to pack in her lunch and wondered if she would eat any of it. I couldn't send chicken nuggets and fries to school every day.
Surprise, surprise - her lunch box would return home completely empty. On a daily basis. The child who wouldn't consider eating a sandwich was happily devouring one for lunch at school. Maybe is was the effect of conformity - when in Rome, do as the Romans do. If everyone else is eating sandwiches, then so would Ceilidh. Apparently, conformity only influences to a degree. I tried sending vegetables for lunch in the hopes that seeing other kids consume them would also encourage Ceilidh. Not so. Or, no one else eats vegetables at school.
As other students began to vary their midday meals, Ceilidh would also ask for various different food items as well. For instance, she wanted left over spaghetti in a thermos. The same spaghetti she refused to eat unless Daddy fed her the previous evening.
That was another source of conflict at the dinner table with Ceilidh. She wanted to be spoonfed by Daddy, or Mommy, or especially by Halmuhnee. Despite being reminded that she was old enough to attend school, and her younger sibling Aisling was feeding herself. We would ask Ceilidh who fed her at school? She said no one. Then why couldn't she do the same at dinner time?
While we still struggle with these same issues, there's a new one that's developed this year. The use of utensils, or the lack of use at dinner time. While we've tried to alter her behaviour by modelling (using utensils ourselves), shaming (Aisling is using a spoon), bribery (no dessert unless...), we are constantly nagging Ceilidh to use a spoon or fork, and not her hands.
So, what a shock it was to have Ceilidh come home from school and state in an accusatory tone that we had forgotten to pack spoon and fork in her lunch for her hot dogs and rice. She added that she had to obtain a plastic spoon from the teacher. I don't understand it. She'll use utensils at school, but not at home.