If there is one definite thing my spouse is better at than me (I'm sure there's many things, but I'd hate to give him any reason not fit through the doorway) - it's telling the kids that he loves them even when he's quite angry with them. I'm not able to easily and glibly state "I love you" to my misbehaving miscreants. Especially when they are doing their absolute best to infuriate me by talking back, or refusing to answer "Who did this?", or stomping around to show their displeasure with a disciplinary measure I've just imposed.
My husband will tuck the delinquent child into bed, and kiss them good night, and assure him or her that Daddy still loves him/her. Whereas I will wait until the child is asleep before placing the good night kiss upon a sweaty brow.
Recently, Ceilidh declared that I did not love her. As I had not actually stated that, nor was this in the heat of the moment or midway through a temper tantrum, I questioned her as to why she would think such a thought. Ceilidh's reasoning? I did not love her because I imposed time-outs, took away the Xbox on occasion (as a disciplinary measure), didn't buy her whatever toys she desired, and horror of horrors, made her eat yucky stuff like vegetables. I tried to explain that it was because I loved her and her siblings, that I did all of the above actions, and more. Like scouting out sales to outfit them in clothing, and trying to find new recipes to tempt their palates, and doing copious amounts of laundry so they had clean clothes to wear, and assigning extra "homework" so they could do better at school. If I didn't love her or any of the other kids, I advised that I wouldn't give a care whether or not they played in traffic, ate junk food all the time so that their teeth fell out, and couldn't read more than her name. If I didn't love them, they could watch all the television they wanted until their brains became smoother than a baby's bottom. And I would have great sleep since I wouldn't be up at night stressing over whether or not I was doing okay as a mother. I'd also be out every night at a fabulous restaurant enjoying fine foods and fine wine, or I'd be shopping for myself at the higher end boutiques. Hitting the spa and hiring a personal trainer. Why not? After all, if I didn't love my kids, I wouldn't need to spend every last dime and nickel on them and their futures. I wouldn't have to bother with dance lessons, skating, piano and saving for a university education.
Well, that little speech gave my six-year-old something to think about, but I don't think she was quite convinced, as she then asked her Dad if he would lover her always - forever and forever. Daddy answered, yes, of course, in fact, he loved them unconditionally. What did that mean, the munchkins wondered. So Daddy explained that he loved them no matter what. That even when they were bad and misbehaving, he still loved them.
Aisling pounced on that concept.
A: So even when you're mad at me, you still love me?
Dad: Yes, even when I'm angry with you because you weren't obeying Mommy and Daddy, I still love you. We both still love you.
A: Really?
Mommy: Yes, but that doesn't mean you can be bad all the time! We're much happier with you when you're a good girl.
A: Well, Daddy still loves me even when I'm bad! Ha-Ha.
(And I'm pretty sure she stuck out her tongue at my back).
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