My sister just returned from a business trip. She was away from her 11 month old for two and a half days. Before her departure, my mother, her mother-in-law, me, - we all wondered if her husband would be able to handle it. "It" meaning the baby and the daily routines. My sister was certain he was more than capable. I also wondered if Mia would be able to handle the separation? Again, my sister was not worried. In fact, it seemed as if Mia was becoming more attached to her father. In the end, it turned out fine. Despite battling a fever for a few days, Mia survived the week, as did her dad. Her Mom was another story. My sister, excited to see her baby girl after a few days away, was more than a little hurt with Mia's response. Mia was happy to see her Mommy, but then turned back to her Daddy.
When there are two involved parents in the picture, most babies will gravitate towards the caregiver that spends the most time with them in the early months. Generally speaking, that's usually the mother. When Devlin was an infant and crying, he was unable to be soothed unless he was in my arms. Once we tried an experiment. The wailing Devlin was in his Daddy's arms. Daddy then made a gesture to place Devlin into my arms. As he came nearer to me, Devlin started to scale down the intensity of his cries. When Daddy snuggled him back against his chest, the crying increased.
As he got older, he was able to be comforted by both Mommy and Daddy, and eventually others, but Mommy was still his number one person. And so she remained, until his little sister came along. Almost overnight, he became Daddy's boy. Unless he was ill or hurt. On those occasions, only Mommy could comfort his troubles.
Similarly, Ceilidh was all about Mommy until Aisling came along. Now she is all about Daddy. In the middle of the night, she cries out for Daddy. She physically wrestles with Devlin to get closer to Daddy. She only inquires of Daddy if he's staying home from work. The only moments where Mommy figures in her line of sight is when she's hurt or sick.
Now that Devlin has to share his numero uno person with Ceilidh, he has become more diplomatic in choosing which parent he favours. If sports are involved, he gravitates to Daddy. If it's anything else, Mommy is selected. If he's feeling sad or tired, Mommy is chosen for cuddles. If it's clear that Ceilidh will be successful in monopolizing Daddy, Mommy is suddenly championed as the greatest ever.
Aisling? Well, she's all Mommy's. Every evening, I am greeted at the door by her smiling face. "Tonight, it's my turn to sleep with you!" she declares as she wraps her arms around my legs. Every evening, she reaches for my lunch bag and hurries into the kitchen to empty the containers into the sink. When Daddy asks about the same service for his lunch bag, she turns away and ignores him. When she requests more milk, another blanket, help with her outfit and someone else jumps up to assist, Aisling refuses their help and adamantly demands Mommy to serve her needs. Last night, she fell asleep cuddled up against me. Her face was pressed close to mine, her sweaty little paw held onto my shoulder, while her feet were tucked in between my legs. As I gazed upon her sleeping face, my heart felt as if it would burst with the emotions running through me.
Some couples are hesitant to have another child because they're unsure if they could love another child as much as they love their first-born. I don't know where or how this argument ever began. It's a very weak and lame excuse to not have another child. As anybody can tell you, there is no finite measurement to the love a parent holds for a child. You can't quantify the emotions a child inspires. It doesn't matter that Ceilidh would trample over me to get to her father. Or that Devlin would prefer Daddy at hockey practice. Or that Daddy is a distant second to Mommy in Aisling's world. None of that diminishes the intensity of love we have for each child.
Now their misbehaviours...that's another story.
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