For those of you who haven't seen Toy Story 3, I highly recommend it. It was funny, endearing and touching. Just ask my husband who got teary-eyed both times he saw the movie. Without giving away the storyline, I can tell you the plot revolves around the toys' fate as Andy is now preparing to leave for college. After the movie, Devlin was become fascinated with the idea of college, and the fact that one goes away for college. The questions have been numerous (i.e. what do you do at college? where is college? who goes to college?), and he's declared himself excited to go to college. It's great that he's already setting his future goals, since he's only beginning grade one this September. I have tried to explain it's university here in Canada that he'll be attending, but with all the American media programming, the word "college" is ingrained in Devlin.
One night, just before Mommy had to attend an out-of-town work commitment, Devlin wanted his entire family to sleep together in one bed. As we all piled into the family bed, he said, "Mommy, before I go away to college when I'm older, can we all sleep together?"
"Why?" we queried while trying to hide our amusement.
"Because I'm going to miss all of you, so I think we should all sleep together before I leave for college," he replied earnestly.
"Sure Devlin. Although, Mommy and Daddy are pretty certain that the night before you go to college, there will be many other things you'd rather be doing than spending it with your family."
"Like what?"
"Ummm, never mind. We'll have one big sleep together before you to college."
Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Cuddling is okay!
Sometimes I wonder about all those scientific studies out there, and their usefulness to society in general. I mean, really, did we need several studies to tell us distracted drivers are more likely to be involved in a motor vehicle collision? That texting while driving is one form of distraction? Funnily enough, there's no study that indicates crying/bickering/whining children in the backseat are a form of distraction. Or there's a study out there that suggests exercise is key to maintaining good health. Or having more than 2 alcoholic drinks a day could be a sign of alcoholism.
But now, there's a study that says it's okay to cuddle your baby, but it's encouraged. Really? I thought it was part of parenthood. Oh sure, there's the old wives' tale that too much cuddling will result in a spoiled baby. Another variation is that it's okay to provide unlimited amounts of cuddling when the baby is under 6 months of age, but after that, too much affection will mean spoiled brat. Whatever.
There's not enough cuddling going on in this world. One simply needs to open a newspaper, or a news website, to read about the ginormous number of children in our world who have been abandoned, neglected, orphaned because of factors beyond their control. Maybe their parents were killed in a natural disaster or a civil uprising. Maybe their parents were unfit so their custodial rights were terminated. Maybe their families could no longer care for them. Or sadly, maybe these children were never wanted. There are so many children who cannot have a cuddle no matter how much they need one. And yet, our own children are within arm's reach. Why do we need a scientific study that justifies our desire to hug and kiss our children? Why do we need to be informed that babies who were cuddled within an inch of their lives grew up to be less anxious as adults? Why do we need permission, per se, to shower our children with affection?
We should rejoice in our ability to cuddle our offspring. We should revel in each and every gentle caress and ticklish kiss. We should celebrate every minute that we have by indulging in a long hug. Soon, there will come a time when our children will shy away from such overt displays of affection. So, now is the time to touch our kids with love and adoration. Soon, it won't be cool to give Mom and Dad a kiss good bye. And while we're cuddling our monkeys, spare a thought to the many children who have no one to cuddle. And send a prayer of thanks to the countless individuals who try in small ways to bring some happiness and affection to a child's life. I read this story on The Toronto Star website about an orphanage that serves abandoned but not unloved children. Enjoy nd be inspired.
But now, there's a study that says it's okay to cuddle your baby, but it's encouraged. Really? I thought it was part of parenthood. Oh sure, there's the old wives' tale that too much cuddling will result in a spoiled baby. Another variation is that it's okay to provide unlimited amounts of cuddling when the baby is under 6 months of age, but after that, too much affection will mean spoiled brat. Whatever.
There's not enough cuddling going on in this world. One simply needs to open a newspaper, or a news website, to read about the ginormous number of children in our world who have been abandoned, neglected, orphaned because of factors beyond their control. Maybe their parents were killed in a natural disaster or a civil uprising. Maybe their parents were unfit so their custodial rights were terminated. Maybe their families could no longer care for them. Or sadly, maybe these children were never wanted. There are so many children who cannot have a cuddle no matter how much they need one. And yet, our own children are within arm's reach. Why do we need a scientific study that justifies our desire to hug and kiss our children? Why do we need to be informed that babies who were cuddled within an inch of their lives grew up to be less anxious as adults? Why do we need permission, per se, to shower our children with affection?
We should rejoice in our ability to cuddle our offspring. We should revel in each and every gentle caress and ticklish kiss. We should celebrate every minute that we have by indulging in a long hug. Soon, there will come a time when our children will shy away from such overt displays of affection. So, now is the time to touch our kids with love and adoration. Soon, it won't be cool to give Mom and Dad a kiss good bye. And while we're cuddling our monkeys, spare a thought to the many children who have no one to cuddle. And send a prayer of thanks to the countless individuals who try in small ways to bring some happiness and affection to a child's life. I read this story on The Toronto Star website about an orphanage that serves abandoned but not unloved children. Enjoy nd be inspired.
Conquering Fears
I am not a big fan of amusement parks, mainly because I am not a fan of rides. In fact, I am a "'fraidy-cat" when it comes to rides. Even the little baby rides. Sure, there was a time when I gamely went on roller coasters at Canada's Wonderland, but that was only because the trip to the amusement park was a date. Now that I'm married to the guy, I figured my days of having to brave the rides were over. Then came the kids. So, once again, I'm having to swallow my fears and get on the rides with the kids. Until this year, the rides haven't been too bad. Either I am too tall or the rides have been gentle enough for my queasy stomach. I'm one of those individuals who get sick on the merry-go-round, but I fake the smile while I hold onto dear life. Hold onto my child and the seat, that is.
Well, this weekend I had to conquer my fears of water rides. We went to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls to celebrate Ceilidh's birthday. The children were excited about sleeping in a hotel. They insisted on checking into our room quickly so they could "go to sleep". So tired, that they were not impressed at all with the Falls themselves when we took a drive past them. Although we tried to impress upon our monkeys they were viewing one of the seven wonders of the world, the grandeur of the rushing water was lost among the anticipation of sleeping in a different room. Upon entering the lobby with the talking moose and bear, all thoughts of sleep were gone. They weren't very tired at all once they realized they could jump from bed to bed, and they discovered just how bouncy the beds were!
Although the kids were eager to head to the waterpark the next morning, we managed to delay them a few hours by heading out for breakfast. There was also a stop at the grocery store to pick up essentials, like milk and snacks that would otherwise cost a small fortune at the Lodge itself. By the time we were in our bathing suits, the kids were raring to go.
First, we toured the various rides and pools. Then we had to figure out which ones Devlin and Ceilidh were able to go on, and which ones Aisling were not. Unfortunately, Aisling was limited to three attractions - the froggie slide at the outdoor pool, the lazy river, and the family water raft roller coaster. I was more than happy to stick to the lazy river and the outside pool. Aisling was too, until it started raining outside. So we headed indoors to the lazy river, which required me maneuvering onto an inner tube and then grabbing a hold of Aisling while not being swept away by the current. Easier said than done. In reality, the actual getting positioned onto the tube required much more grace and finesse than I possessed.
Things were going well, until Daddy and Ceilidh returned from the raft ride. Their excitement convinced Devlin to give it a try, although he would only go on it with me. Since it had taken several minutes for him to screw up the courage to go down the smaller water slides, this was a big step for me. So, despite the fact that my heart was beating rather rapidly, and my knees were shaking, we climbed three flights of stairs to get to the raft ride. Essentially, it's a water slide that you ride down inside a circular raft. I'm sure the ride is only 30-45 seconds long, although it felt a lot longer. Both he and I clung to the raft with whitened knuckles. Devlin's face was frozen in fright. Seeing that, I forced myself to scream in "delight" and laugh to ease his fear.When we splashed down at the bottom, Devlin declared, "That was sooo cool. It was awesome. Let's go again!" We did, and when Aisling had her turn with me, I held onto her tightly. I had an irrational fear that a bump would dislodge my little one and send her flying out of the raft.
We spent two days at the waterpark. The next day, Devlin went on another water slide ride with Daddy - this one requiring a double inner tube. His sister Ceilidh had already tried, and was bubbling over with enthusiasm as she described the ride. So off he went. Then he returned, this time determined to have Mommy go on the ride with him. This was mere hours after he had asked me to go down the water slides with him. Another Mommy chore that I could have done without. So, off we went to retrieve an inner tube and stand in line.
D: Mommy, don't worry. The line-up isn't very long.
M: Well, which ride shall we go on?
D: There's a blue one, and a yellow one, and different blue one that you can only go by yourself. We should go on the other blue one so we can go together.
M: What about yellow?
D: No, Mommy. The yellow one is too slow. It's soo slow. The blue one is better.
So, again I positioned myself in the inner tube and clasped Devlin tightly with my legs. Again, not very graceful. But the ride was fun.As was the entire weekend at the waterpark. Who knew that having kids meant having to face your fears, or at least set them aside for the sake of the kids?
Well, this weekend I had to conquer my fears of water rides. We went to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls to celebrate Ceilidh's birthday. The children were excited about sleeping in a hotel. They insisted on checking into our room quickly so they could "go to sleep". So tired, that they were not impressed at all with the Falls themselves when we took a drive past them. Although we tried to impress upon our monkeys they were viewing one of the seven wonders of the world, the grandeur of the rushing water was lost among the anticipation of sleeping in a different room. Upon entering the lobby with the talking moose and bear, all thoughts of sleep were gone. They weren't very tired at all once they realized they could jump from bed to bed, and they discovered just how bouncy the beds were!
Although the kids were eager to head to the waterpark the next morning, we managed to delay them a few hours by heading out for breakfast. There was also a stop at the grocery store to pick up essentials, like milk and snacks that would otherwise cost a small fortune at the Lodge itself. By the time we were in our bathing suits, the kids were raring to go.
First, we toured the various rides and pools. Then we had to figure out which ones Devlin and Ceilidh were able to go on, and which ones Aisling were not. Unfortunately, Aisling was limited to three attractions - the froggie slide at the outdoor pool, the lazy river, and the family water raft roller coaster. I was more than happy to stick to the lazy river and the outside pool. Aisling was too, until it started raining outside. So we headed indoors to the lazy river, which required me maneuvering onto an inner tube and then grabbing a hold of Aisling while not being swept away by the current. Easier said than done. In reality, the actual getting positioned onto the tube required much more grace and finesse than I possessed.
Things were going well, until Daddy and Ceilidh returned from the raft ride. Their excitement convinced Devlin to give it a try, although he would only go on it with me. Since it had taken several minutes for him to screw up the courage to go down the smaller water slides, this was a big step for me. So, despite the fact that my heart was beating rather rapidly, and my knees were shaking, we climbed three flights of stairs to get to the raft ride. Essentially, it's a water slide that you ride down inside a circular raft. I'm sure the ride is only 30-45 seconds long, although it felt a lot longer. Both he and I clung to the raft with whitened knuckles. Devlin's face was frozen in fright. Seeing that, I forced myself to scream in "delight" and laugh to ease his fear.When we splashed down at the bottom, Devlin declared, "That was sooo cool. It was awesome. Let's go again!" We did, and when Aisling had her turn with me, I held onto her tightly. I had an irrational fear that a bump would dislodge my little one and send her flying out of the raft.
We spent two days at the waterpark. The next day, Devlin went on another water slide ride with Daddy - this one requiring a double inner tube. His sister Ceilidh had already tried, and was bubbling over with enthusiasm as she described the ride. So off he went. Then he returned, this time determined to have Mommy go on the ride with him. This was mere hours after he had asked me to go down the water slides with him. Another Mommy chore that I could have done without. So, off we went to retrieve an inner tube and stand in line.
D: Mommy, don't worry. The line-up isn't very long.
M: Well, which ride shall we go on?
D: There's a blue one, and a yellow one, and different blue one that you can only go by yourself. We should go on the other blue one so we can go together.
M: What about yellow?
D: No, Mommy. The yellow one is too slow. It's soo slow. The blue one is better.
So, again I positioned myself in the inner tube and clasped Devlin tightly with my legs. Again, not very graceful. But the ride was fun.As was the entire weekend at the waterpark. Who knew that having kids meant having to face your fears, or at least set them aside for the sake of the kids?
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Another milestone
On a hot and steamy summer evening, in an empty church parking lot, Devlin reached another milestone - riding a bicycle sans training wheels.
After a full year of riding with the aid of the training wheels, and seeing his classmates ride two-wheelers, Devlin declared himself ready to start riding without the training wheels. His nanny Rose took off the wheels every once in awhile to practise, and Mommy promised to take him to the church parking lot one afternoon. Unfortunately, the weekend was filled with too many events and we never made it to the parking lot. But tonight, on our one night free of sports, Devlin badgered us to take him.
So after dinner, on a humid and warm evening where we'd much rather have spent in an air conditioned room, we all marched down the street to the church lot. The wheels had been taken off by Daddy, and Mommy held the bike steady while Devlin climbed on. I held the seat while he placed his feet on the pedals, and then ran along, bent over and holding onto the seat as he started pedaling around the lot. Nervously, he kept glancing back to reassure himself I was still holding on, and that resulted in some wobbles.
"Look straight ahead! Don't look back! Hold your handlebars steady!" I shouted as I jogged along. And then, I let go and Devlin kept riding. Of course, once he realized I wasn't holding on, he panicked, and instead of braking, he put his feet down and stopped the bike by dragging his feet along. His beloved canvas shoes (a gift from Auntie Grace) are now completely worn and falling apart.
So, we started the whole process again. Before he knew it, I had let go, but I ran beside him, shouting out encouragement and coached him through braking properly. His next stop was more graceful, and a passer-by clapped and cheered Devlin's efforts. Emboldened by this, he eagerly got back on, and pedalled a longer distance. By now, Daddy and his sisters had arrived at the lot with a tricycle in tow, and now he was showing off. We went from 10 meters to pedalling around the lot in a loop with Mommy and Daddy running laps. On and on and on. Eventually Ceilidh announced she had to pee but Devlin wasn't ready to leave yet. So, Daddy and Ceilidh left but Mommy and Aisling stayed to watch Devlin as he grinned while he pedalled.
"I can't wait to show Rose. I can't wait to tell Uncle Billy! Mommy, can you wake me up early so I can ride my bike tomorrow morning while you run?"
There were a few spills, two near collisions with his sisters and one late braking that resulted in making contact with a basketball pole. Instead of becoming discouraged and whining, he climbed back on with a little bit of urging on my part and started pedalling again.
It was a moment of achievement for a six year old boy and a parental milestone too. Although most of us would think teaching a child to ride a bicycle as a basic parental duty, along with toilet training and working a zipper, not all parents would agree. In fact, there is a company (staffed by phys-ed students) that will come to your home and teach your children how to ride a two wheeler!
As I watched my first-born ride around the parking lot, it brought back memories of when I learned to ride a two-wheeler. In a similar fashion, my dad held onto the back of my seat and ran along as I pedalled nervously. And just I had done with Devlin, my dad let go of the seat without my knowledge. I don't know how long I was riding the bike on my own, but at one point I glanced into the shadows and saw that my dad wasn't hanging on. That was when I lost my balance and fell and scraped my knee. Instead of letting me go and cry, my dad make me get back on the bike and try again. And again, and again. Before I knew it, I was riding a two-wheeler all by myself.
So, in tried and true fashion, whenever Devlin lost his balance, I made him get back on the bike. In less time that we all expected, he was riding with confidence, shouting joyously, "I am awesome! This is soooo cool! Totally cool! Look, I'm riding a bike all by myself!"
After a full year of riding with the aid of the training wheels, and seeing his classmates ride two-wheelers, Devlin declared himself ready to start riding without the training wheels. His nanny Rose took off the wheels every once in awhile to practise, and Mommy promised to take him to the church parking lot one afternoon. Unfortunately, the weekend was filled with too many events and we never made it to the parking lot. But tonight, on our one night free of sports, Devlin badgered us to take him.
So after dinner, on a humid and warm evening where we'd much rather have spent in an air conditioned room, we all marched down the street to the church lot. The wheels had been taken off by Daddy, and Mommy held the bike steady while Devlin climbed on. I held the seat while he placed his feet on the pedals, and then ran along, bent over and holding onto the seat as he started pedaling around the lot. Nervously, he kept glancing back to reassure himself I was still holding on, and that resulted in some wobbles.
"Look straight ahead! Don't look back! Hold your handlebars steady!" I shouted as I jogged along. And then, I let go and Devlin kept riding. Of course, once he realized I wasn't holding on, he panicked, and instead of braking, he put his feet down and stopped the bike by dragging his feet along. His beloved canvas shoes (a gift from Auntie Grace) are now completely worn and falling apart.
So, we started the whole process again. Before he knew it, I had let go, but I ran beside him, shouting out encouragement and coached him through braking properly. His next stop was more graceful, and a passer-by clapped and cheered Devlin's efforts. Emboldened by this, he eagerly got back on, and pedalled a longer distance. By now, Daddy and his sisters had arrived at the lot with a tricycle in tow, and now he was showing off. We went from 10 meters to pedalling around the lot in a loop with Mommy and Daddy running laps. On and on and on. Eventually Ceilidh announced she had to pee but Devlin wasn't ready to leave yet. So, Daddy and Ceilidh left but Mommy and Aisling stayed to watch Devlin as he grinned while he pedalled.
"I can't wait to show Rose. I can't wait to tell Uncle Billy! Mommy, can you wake me up early so I can ride my bike tomorrow morning while you run?"
There were a few spills, two near collisions with his sisters and one late braking that resulted in making contact with a basketball pole. Instead of becoming discouraged and whining, he climbed back on with a little bit of urging on my part and started pedalling again.
It was a moment of achievement for a six year old boy and a parental milestone too. Although most of us would think teaching a child to ride a bicycle as a basic parental duty, along with toilet training and working a zipper, not all parents would agree. In fact, there is a company (staffed by phys-ed students) that will come to your home and teach your children how to ride a two wheeler!
As I watched my first-born ride around the parking lot, it brought back memories of when I learned to ride a two-wheeler. In a similar fashion, my dad held onto the back of my seat and ran along as I pedalled nervously. And just I had done with Devlin, my dad let go of the seat without my knowledge. I don't know how long I was riding the bike on my own, but at one point I glanced into the shadows and saw that my dad wasn't hanging on. That was when I lost my balance and fell and scraped my knee. Instead of letting me go and cry, my dad make me get back on the bike and try again. And again, and again. Before I knew it, I was riding a two-wheeler all by myself.
So, in tried and true fashion, whenever Devlin lost his balance, I made him get back on the bike. In less time that we all expected, he was riding with confidence, shouting joyously, "I am awesome! This is soooo cool! Totally cool! Look, I'm riding a bike all by myself!"
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Parenting Doubts
Every parent is plagued with self-doubt about their ability to raise a child. Every parent second-guesses their decision on a parenting issue. Every choice is no longer obvious. Every decision is agonized over, and researched, and made only to be revisited by second thoughts. It starts from the moment the child is conceived. Do we go with a mid-wife or an OB? Epidural or natural? Home birth or hospital? Then it's to breast feed or not. Cloth diapers vs. disposables? Jarred baby food or home made? Which stroller? Day care? Grandparents? Nanny? Quit job and stay at home?
So many decisions, and so many opinions from every sector - grandparents, friends, "parenting" experts, nosy neighbours, your spouse, the doctor. Everybody and their dog has an opinion to which you must listen. It's no wonder that parents are plagued with self doubt all the time.
But recently, Devlin has started to contribute his two cents worth and compounded the issue for me. Well, really, it's made me wonder if he's not getting too sassy, and whether or not we should institute that old-fashioned parenting rule "Children are to be seen and NOT heard."
We all know Ceilidh is no longer a great eater whenever we're (mom and dad) are present. She apparently eats well for others, but every supper, unless we're dining on McDonald's, there is a battle royale with Ceilidh. Aside from pleading and threatening, what works best with Ceilidh is spoon-feeding. But she's almost 4 and my patience is wearing very very thin. Aisling feeds herself! That's not even getting into the issue of her unwillingness to eat meat (unless it's hot dogs or breaded and deep fried) and vegetable that's not a cucumber.
Of course, she eats very very well for Halmuhnee. Grandma spoon-feeds her, and ensures she always gets her favorite foods. At a recent family gathering, Ceilidh sat next to Grandma and proceeded to eat everything!
"Ceilidh, why do you eat so well for Halmuhnee and not for Mommy or Daddy?" I asked.
Before she could respond, Devlin quipped, "Maybe she likes Grandma's cooking better than your cooking."
Then there's Aisling who isn't being very cooperative with potty-training. Initially, she was enthusiastic and even volunteered to sit on the potty. Not so much anymore. Every time I suggest she sit on the potty and go pee, she replies "Nope. No way. Mommy, change my bum." Once in awhile, she will comply with Daddy's request.
We started a sticker chart for her. That worked for a bit. Now, the lure of the shiny stickers has lost its appeal. She has even begun to resist our nanny's attempts to her to pee on the potty. So, I've suggested using Smarties as a reward since Aisling loves "treats". There's been some success with this tactic.
Again, I was lamenting to my husband about Aisling's resistance to potty training, particularly to my requests. I commented about her off and on willingness to pee for Rose, our nanny.
Devlin, overhearing this, once again added his two-cents.
"Well, maybe she thinks Rose is her mommy!"
Thanks Devlin for adding to my self-doubts as a mothers. Thanks for making me question (again) every decision I've made as a mother. Thanks again for making me feel like I am in the running for the Most Ineffective Mother of the Year.
So many decisions, and so many opinions from every sector - grandparents, friends, "parenting" experts, nosy neighbours, your spouse, the doctor. Everybody and their dog has an opinion to which you must listen. It's no wonder that parents are plagued with self doubt all the time.
But recently, Devlin has started to contribute his two cents worth and compounded the issue for me. Well, really, it's made me wonder if he's not getting too sassy, and whether or not we should institute that old-fashioned parenting rule "Children are to be seen and NOT heard."
We all know Ceilidh is no longer a great eater whenever we're (mom and dad) are present. She apparently eats well for others, but every supper, unless we're dining on McDonald's, there is a battle royale with Ceilidh. Aside from pleading and threatening, what works best with Ceilidh is spoon-feeding. But she's almost 4 and my patience is wearing very very thin. Aisling feeds herself! That's not even getting into the issue of her unwillingness to eat meat (unless it's hot dogs or breaded and deep fried) and vegetable that's not a cucumber.
Of course, she eats very very well for Halmuhnee. Grandma spoon-feeds her, and ensures she always gets her favorite foods. At a recent family gathering, Ceilidh sat next to Grandma and proceeded to eat everything!
"Ceilidh, why do you eat so well for Halmuhnee and not for Mommy or Daddy?" I asked.
Before she could respond, Devlin quipped, "Maybe she likes Grandma's cooking better than your cooking."
Then there's Aisling who isn't being very cooperative with potty-training. Initially, she was enthusiastic and even volunteered to sit on the potty. Not so much anymore. Every time I suggest she sit on the potty and go pee, she replies "Nope. No way. Mommy, change my bum." Once in awhile, she will comply with Daddy's request.
We started a sticker chart for her. That worked for a bit. Now, the lure of the shiny stickers has lost its appeal. She has even begun to resist our nanny's attempts to her to pee on the potty. So, I've suggested using Smarties as a reward since Aisling loves "treats". There's been some success with this tactic.
Again, I was lamenting to my husband about Aisling's resistance to potty training, particularly to my requests. I commented about her off and on willingness to pee for Rose, our nanny.
Devlin, overhearing this, once again added his two-cents.
"Well, maybe she thinks Rose is her mommy!"
Thanks Devlin for adding to my self-doubts as a mothers. Thanks for making me question (again) every decision I've made as a mother. Thanks again for making me feel like I am in the running for the Most Ineffective Mother of the Year.
Monday, July 12, 2010
If I could...
If I could, I would walk Devlin to school every day and pick him up. Especially now that he's gotten used to school and looks forward to greeting his playmates at the gate. Last year, when he started junior kindergarten, there were days I really really wished I was back at work. Those were the mornings when Devlin would cry, and hold onto my legs, while I slowly made my way into the classroom, dragging his resisting body towards the special chair they had set out for him. The chair where he was sit until he was done his sobbing and was ready to join the class. Equally, I would dread picking him up in the event the teacher called me over to relate some behavioural incident involving my son. The first week of junior kindergarten, he got sent to the vice-principal's office for fighting! It was embarrassing. But as he acclimated to the school culture, it became enjoyable to walk him to school. In the winter, I would bring the toboggan and pull him home. In the spring, he rode his two-wheeler (technically 4-wheeler with the training wheels) while I jogged alongside.
Now that I'm back at work, the opportunities to take him to school are rare. His dad took him to school more often, thanks to a flexible work schedule and the ability to work from home on certain days. Since Ceilidh will be starting junior kindergarten in September, and Devlin will heading into grade one, I have even greater longings to stay home and be with my kids. That feeling quickly passes when I have to step into the middle of an argument and play referee though.
A few days ago, Devlin and his dad were at the grocery store. They ran into a classmate's mother who was working as the cashier. Her work schedule permits her to take her child to and from school every day. Devlin commented to his father that he wished his daddy could work at the grocery store too, so that his daddy could walk to him to school every day. Well, that got Daddy going on about the merits of doing well in school and getting a good job. Devlin's next response was that when he grew up, he would stay home and not work so he could take his kids to school. Which got Daddy lecturing Devlin about why a job was necessary (to pay for food, clothes, sports, books, the house) and how staying at home was not a great option. I'm not sure if the message got through to Devlin. But I totally see his point. I, too, wanted my mom to stay home with me. I think I even asked my dad to get me two mommies - one to go to work so the bills could get paid, and one to stay with me.
If I could, I would stay home with my children. Well, let's be honest...if I could, I would try to find a way to stay home some of the time, or even most of the time. I know myself. I need to work. Financially for sure, but also to give me an opportunity to get out of the house (away from the kids) and give me the sense that I am contributing to the greater society. One could argue that there is no greater contribution than raising well-adjusted children. Or, that I could find ways to contribute by volunteering with various organizations. But having spent many years toiling away to obtain a higher education, I cannot find it in myself to abandon my career to become a stay-at-home parent. (Frankly speaking, we can't afford to either.) But I also believe that being a working mother is my contribution to society, since I'm providing a positive role-model to my children. I want them to understand and believe that one can do anything, so long as they are determined. That women are invaluable members of society, and the working sector. How else can I preach the benefits of education if they cannot see the tangible benefits? Furthermore, I want my children to understand the importance of service to others - be it their family, their community, their country. The new Governor-General of Canada, David Johnston and his wife have raised 5 strong, smart daughters. Their family was described as "over-achievers", and Mr. Johnston, upon the announcement of his new position, said "My wife and I have always believed that service, whether it is to family, community, university or country, is our highest calling." I love that quote. In that same vein, I want to raise my children to understand that whatever talents they may possess should be shared freely with others, for the purpose of bettering the world in which they reside.
And so, I hope that one day, Devlin will understand that wanting his parents to stay home all the time is a selfish thought, and that his parents work to provide him and his siblings with a home, but also work so that others in their community can continue to work, feed their families and sleep at night without worries. I hope that Devlin and his siblings will understand that while we will try our very best to share in the exciting and momentous occasions in their lives, that sometimes our work commitments will interfere. More importantly, one day, I hope Devlin and his sisters will understand I truly believe I am a better mother because I work outside the home.
Now that I'm back at work, the opportunities to take him to school are rare. His dad took him to school more often, thanks to a flexible work schedule and the ability to work from home on certain days. Since Ceilidh will be starting junior kindergarten in September, and Devlin will heading into grade one, I have even greater longings to stay home and be with my kids. That feeling quickly passes when I have to step into the middle of an argument and play referee though.
A few days ago, Devlin and his dad were at the grocery store. They ran into a classmate's mother who was working as the cashier. Her work schedule permits her to take her child to and from school every day. Devlin commented to his father that he wished his daddy could work at the grocery store too, so that his daddy could walk to him to school every day. Well, that got Daddy going on about the merits of doing well in school and getting a good job. Devlin's next response was that when he grew up, he would stay home and not work so he could take his kids to school. Which got Daddy lecturing Devlin about why a job was necessary (to pay for food, clothes, sports, books, the house) and how staying at home was not a great option. I'm not sure if the message got through to Devlin. But I totally see his point. I, too, wanted my mom to stay home with me. I think I even asked my dad to get me two mommies - one to go to work so the bills could get paid, and one to stay with me.
If I could, I would stay home with my children. Well, let's be honest...if I could, I would try to find a way to stay home some of the time, or even most of the time. I know myself. I need to work. Financially for sure, but also to give me an opportunity to get out of the house (away from the kids) and give me the sense that I am contributing to the greater society. One could argue that there is no greater contribution than raising well-adjusted children. Or, that I could find ways to contribute by volunteering with various organizations. But having spent many years toiling away to obtain a higher education, I cannot find it in myself to abandon my career to become a stay-at-home parent. (Frankly speaking, we can't afford to either.) But I also believe that being a working mother is my contribution to society, since I'm providing a positive role-model to my children. I want them to understand and believe that one can do anything, so long as they are determined. That women are invaluable members of society, and the working sector. How else can I preach the benefits of education if they cannot see the tangible benefits? Furthermore, I want my children to understand the importance of service to others - be it their family, their community, their country. The new Governor-General of Canada, David Johnston and his wife have raised 5 strong, smart daughters. Their family was described as "over-achievers", and Mr. Johnston, upon the announcement of his new position, said "My wife and I have always believed that service, whether it is to family, community, university or country, is our highest calling." I love that quote. In that same vein, I want to raise my children to understand that whatever talents they may possess should be shared freely with others, for the purpose of bettering the world in which they reside.
And so, I hope that one day, Devlin will understand that wanting his parents to stay home all the time is a selfish thought, and that his parents work to provide him and his siblings with a home, but also work so that others in their community can continue to work, feed their families and sleep at night without worries. I hope that Devlin and his siblings will understand that while we will try our very best to share in the exciting and momentous occasions in their lives, that sometimes our work commitments will interfere. More importantly, one day, I hope Devlin and his sisters will understand I truly believe I am a better mother because I work outside the home.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
A trip down memory lane
On my last visit home, I got together with some girls from grade school. Since I ended up at a different high school, it had been over 20 years since I had seen some of them. (Yes, I'm that old.) Wow. It was lots of fun to spend the afternoon catching up, and hearing about what others ended up doing. It was also hilarious, looking at some photos from grade school class trips. Ceilidh looked somewhat puzzled when she looked at the photos of her mom dressed up as a man for a school play. This meeting was arranged via Facebook. I had re-connected with several folks from my past via this social networking website, but hadn't actually seen anyone face-to-face.
It was also an eye-opener for me. The majority of my grade school classmates had remained in the area. Most were married, raising children, working hard or just trying to survive. Some had left, and some had simply disappeared. While we kept our conversation to familiar grounds ("remember the time...") and safe topics ("whatever happened to ..."), it was clear to me that I didn't have much in common with them anymore. They're all wonderful people, and from what I could gather, they were happy and healthy. In fact, I hope I see them all again, and others too, in the near future, rather than waiting another 20 years to re-connect. Some of the girls had brought their kids. Ceilidh called them "the boys" because she was the only girl at this gathering. "The boys" were very well-behaved, and to me, that says a lot about the parent. (Of course, not sure what *that* says about me as a parent when you meet my monkeys.)
It's not that they still live in our hometown, or that they're not all professionals. Maybe the short time we had together wasn't long enough, but I felt out-of-place in talking about my life now - as a professional living in the big bad GTA, commuting 2 hours (unheard of in my hometown), with a small family and struggling to find time to work-out. But as we chatted, I realized there was one equalizer. The kids. No matter what stage we were at in our lives, the girls were either moms or aunts or teachers. They could all relate to the issue of children, in one form or other. If not the struggles to get the kids to behave, then the joy in watching a child scramble for the soccer ball or base ball, or the irony of how we all ended up with one kid that tested our will every day (Ceilidh in my case). We laughed at our struggles of raising boys (how does one get them to stop peeing just anywhere?) and bonded over the task of getting the kids to clean up their messes.
Children are the one subject that almost anyone can relate to, either from a first-hand perspective or a theoretical one. Everyone and anyone has an opinion on kids - how to raise them, how to spoil them or not, what is too much t.v., what are the merits of all those new fangled hand-held devices that kids are glued to, how much is too much sugar for a kid, the pros and cons of food colouring, what is or isn't the best to discipline. (Also, ever notice the most opinionated ones are those who have no children?)
I love being a mother to my monkeys, even though my sanity is tested on a regular basis and there are times I wonder if I'll ever have 5 minutes of quiet time to myself ever again. I love that children can amuse so many with their antics and inspire others with their innocence and thoughtfulness. Not only are they the future, they are the common denominator in all that we do. Think about it - why do world leaders spend so much time arguing about the environment, maternal health, the global economy? There is a great need to better our world and to preserve, if not improve, the world for our future generations.
It was also an eye-opener for me. The majority of my grade school classmates had remained in the area. Most were married, raising children, working hard or just trying to survive. Some had left, and some had simply disappeared. While we kept our conversation to familiar grounds ("remember the time...") and safe topics ("whatever happened to ..."), it was clear to me that I didn't have much in common with them anymore. They're all wonderful people, and from what I could gather, they were happy and healthy. In fact, I hope I see them all again, and others too, in the near future, rather than waiting another 20 years to re-connect. Some of the girls had brought their kids. Ceilidh called them "the boys" because she was the only girl at this gathering. "The boys" were very well-behaved, and to me, that says a lot about the parent. (Of course, not sure what *that* says about me as a parent when you meet my monkeys.)
It's not that they still live in our hometown, or that they're not all professionals. Maybe the short time we had together wasn't long enough, but I felt out-of-place in talking about my life now - as a professional living in the big bad GTA, commuting 2 hours (unheard of in my hometown), with a small family and struggling to find time to work-out. But as we chatted, I realized there was one equalizer. The kids. No matter what stage we were at in our lives, the girls were either moms or aunts or teachers. They could all relate to the issue of children, in one form or other. If not the struggles to get the kids to behave, then the joy in watching a child scramble for the soccer ball or base ball, or the irony of how we all ended up with one kid that tested our will every day (Ceilidh in my case). We laughed at our struggles of raising boys (how does one get them to stop peeing just anywhere?) and bonded over the task of getting the kids to clean up their messes.
Children are the one subject that almost anyone can relate to, either from a first-hand perspective or a theoretical one. Everyone and anyone has an opinion on kids - how to raise them, how to spoil them or not, what is too much t.v., what are the merits of all those new fangled hand-held devices that kids are glued to, how much is too much sugar for a kid, the pros and cons of food colouring, what is or isn't the best to discipline. (Also, ever notice the most opinionated ones are those who have no children?)
I love being a mother to my monkeys, even though my sanity is tested on a regular basis and there are times I wonder if I'll ever have 5 minutes of quiet time to myself ever again. I love that children can amuse so many with their antics and inspire others with their innocence and thoughtfulness. Not only are they the future, they are the common denominator in all that we do. Think about it - why do world leaders spend so much time arguing about the environment, maternal health, the global economy? There is a great need to better our world and to preserve, if not improve, the world for our future generations.
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