Teaching Empathy

I think the greatest lesson in life is learning empathy - the capacity to recognize the emotions that are being experienced by another, and then to act accordingly. It's not the same as being sympathetic, which is to sorry or compassion for another. I believe that when one is empathetic, one can provide a response that is more suited to the situation, a reaction if you will.It's more than giving a hug to another. It's recognizing that the other is in pain, or hurting, or happy and then finding a way to rectify or support the other during that crisis.
In kids, it's hard to teach either as children are not fully developed in their own awareness, let alone understanding how their actions impact those around them. (Yes, I've taken one or two child psychology courses in my time.)
Without getting into great details and discourses of the why, we've taught our children to apologize for hurting (either physically or emotionally) their siblings and others by providing hugs with their words. When they were very young, we made the offender apologize and hug almost immediately after the wrongful action. As they got older, and knowing the apology would be meaningless without some thought, the offender is asked to think about why they're being asked to apologize. Sometimes, they learn from the mini time-out, other times not so much as I witness the offensive behaviour a short time later.
Despite our unscientific method of dealing with our monkeys, sometimes I see moments of true tenderness and empathy from them. One night, all three older kids took turns reading a story to Quinn. Another evening as I getting ready for bed, I overheard Aisling trying to teach Quinn to sound out the letters of the alphabet.
Quinn, as the baby is often spoiled by not only me (yes I am the biggest culprit) but also by his siblings. More often than not, it's because we don't want to hear him cry. So, everyone gives into his demands, even the unreasonable ones. Just to avoid listening to the cries and the ensuing temper tantrum, his siblings will tune into the Power Rangers or Animal Mechanics, or hand over whatever toy they were playing with. I know this will only encourage his spoiled brat behaviour.
But the other night, I witnessed Quinn mimicking his elder siblings. Both Aisling and Quinn were in the tub, along with a gazillion cars. Aisling had none, and went to reach for a car. Quinn gathered them up close to his soapy body. Aisling pretended to cry, letting out a wailing sob. Quinn immediately offered her the cars.
It's not just Quinn who can be empathetic.
Last night, I fell ill with whatever bug the kids brought home. Not violently ill, but under the weather enough that I wanted to crawl into bed at 7pm and not wake up. So I did.
At some point, I felt kisses and gentle hugs from my kids. And whispers of "I hope you feel better". I felt Quinn curling up to me and placing his head on my shoulder.
In the morning, Ceilidh asked, "Did you throw up last night, Mommy?"
"No," I answered with a groan.
"Good job Mommy! You're going to be better then!" she praised while patting me on the head.