So, I've finally gotten around to reading Amy Chua's Memoirs of a Tiger Mother book. It is interesting, to say in the least. Quite obviously, the media put its own spin on the contents, but I do believe Ms. Chua has some valid points about raising children. Particularly in light of her background as a first generation immigrant confronted with raising competent, competitive, healthy children in mixed race household. I echo many of her concerns and I can see her reasoning. I don't think I'd parent in the extreme manner she chose, though.
In one chapter, she described the conundrum of having to locate pianos while on vacation locales so that her elder daughter wouldn't miss a single day of practising. her younger daughter simply carted the violin onto the planes as carry on luggage. She also regaled the readers with an episode from a Grecian holiday where her parents were eager to check out the ruins with the rest of the family. It was planned, folks were dressed and waiting in the lobby. But alas, the younger daughter had to practise a mere ten minutes of violin. Well, it would have been ten minutes if she had gotten it right the first time. The child didn't, and refused to listen or heed her mother's instructions. Ten minutes stretched to hours and hours of arguing, tears, stubborn stances and a battle of wills. By the time it was over, the ruins were closed and no one came out the triumphantly happy victor.
Wow, I thought to myself as I read that passage. That certainly is NOT my style. For one, vacation is vacation. That means no piano practising. A vacation for bother the music pupil and the parent who has to supervise (me). Secondly, hours and hours of battling a child over one song? Never.
Until last weekend.
It would have taken twenty minutes, maybe thirty at the most, for Devlin to complete his piano practising session. IF all went well. That is, no attitude, no arguments about the number of times a song should be played, and no mistakes. The point of practising a piece numerous times is to ensure the song is eventually done without mistakes. Perfection is the goal. Had my son actually listened and heeded my knowledge of the music (I did indeed take years and years of piano when I was a kid), the practice session would have been done in a matter of minutes. But alas, this was not to be. First of all, there was arguments about the scale. The number of times he had to rehearse the scale. When I pointed out a mistaken note, Devlin's response was to fall onto the keyboard. That earned him a warning about his attitude and behaviour. It didn't get better. Before we moved onto the next piece, he spent some time on time-out spot. Then another round of tears and yelling while I tried to get him to count the beats correctly while synchronizing his right and left hands. "I quit piano" he yelled more than once. More time-outs. And on and on it went. He was threatened that if her didn't improve his behaviour markedly, he would miss his classmate's birthday party that afternoon. Even that didn't trigger a change. Eventually, I left to go grocery shopping, having missed the Farmer's Market.
When I returned from my errands, Devlin was more subdued and waiting at the piano. We completed the practice session a full five hours after it began.
He was allowed to attend the birthday party solely for the purpose of dropping off a gift and explaining why he couldn't stay.
The next day's piano session went by without a hitch.
I wasn't demanding the moon and the stars from him. I was simply requesting a positive attitude. I also know his abilities when it comes to piano. He can sight-read extremely well, and he has the ability to play the piece perfectly. He is also very lazy and prone to wanting to "give up" or rush through a task without the requisite care and attention. I know if I don't nurture the proper attitude now, it'll spell hardship and failures later on in life.
Am I a mean mommy? Or am I parent who simply wants the best for her child, and one who knows her child's abilities and limitations?
Tiger Mother - hear this Tiger Mommy ROAR!
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