Since the start of the school year, we have been struggling with Devlin and his adjustment to grade one. Not in terms of academics. Well, at least I don't think so. We've been diligent in staying on top of his homework assignments, and quizzing him on spelling, and reading simple words and books together. Yes, there are daily homework assignments in grade one. On the rare day there isn't anything assigned, I've given Devlin some math exercises or printing work to do. So, I'm not worried about his academics, unless of course, I'm told differently next week at the parent teacher interviews.
Rather it's been the behavioural issues that been the cause of much stress and worry in our household. We've had several notes sent home from the teacher about his inability to behave appropriately in school. Accompanying these were the slips from the detention rooms, or "thinking rooms" as they're now labelled. Once, he was asked about a situation in class, and Devlin was unable to stick to the cold hard facts and likely embellished the story. So he was labelled as a liar (more or less) and I got a note about his inability to accept blame for his actions. Another time, he was caught standing on his chair at lunchtime and yelling. There was no adult supervisor in the classroom at the time, and perhaps he thought he could get away with it. Devlin's version was that he was telling his classmates to be quiet. Once in gym class, he was unable to stand still and was jumping on top of the bleachers. There was the time he was caught in the wrong bathroom with several of his classmates. Not the girls bathroom, but the bathroom for the older boys. Two weeks ago, he received a detention for "fighting".
That's when I became very upset. With Devlin. But also with the school. There were no details accompanying the "fighting" detention slip. We couldn't get a straight story out of Devlin as to the nature of the fighting. I sent a note to the school asking whether it was bullying or horseplay. I received a reply that neither was acceptable. No kidding, but bullying and horseplay are two very different behaviours. One has the potential of injuring another person out of hatred or spite, and another is more reflective of little boys and their high energy levels and mode of play. How can I discipline my child at home, and work with him about appropriate behaviour without knowing all the facts?
After some more pushing, I learned the fighting was simply horseplay between two friends. There was some shoving but no one was complaining of being hurt. The teacher on duty (likely female) told the boys to stop. They did for a bit, and then re-commenced their activities once the teacher was out of sight, as little children do. They got caught again, and this time were sent to the thinking room. Two things wrong here, from my perspective. Since when is physical play a bad thing considering there are no organized sports at recess? Running around and chasing each other is completely normal, and a healthy way for little ones to get some exercise while releasing some pent-up energy. It's totally unrealistic to expect 5 and 6 year olds to sit in a classroom for an entire day without these opportunities to "let go". To take away their recess and send them inside for a detention is not an effective form of punishment. In fact, I would argue it compounds the problem. Without a release, these children will be even more distracted and fidgety when class resumes. Given that he's gone from 2.5 hours of mostly playtime in junior and senior kindergarten to 5.5 hours of sitting at a desk and doing some real "learning", it's understandable that Devlin's been having some difficulty making a smooth transition.
There's been some attention in the media to the issue of boys lagging in our education systems. Record number of women are entering and graduating from university and college, while record numbers of males are not. Has our educational system gone overboard in attempting to attract and keep girls in school? Is there a feminization of our education? There's certainly a disproportionate number of female teachers in the elementary schools. Devlin's school has maybe 3 male teachers. Both the principal and vice-principal are female. While this is great news for women, I wonder how having a school run by a mostly female staff affects boys, particularly their behaviour. There's no question girls and boys behave differently. Girls are quieter, more agreeable, can sit still for longer periods of time while colouring pictures of castles and princesses. Boys are rambunctious, more easily distracted, and eager to act out parts of their favorite superhero adventure. Inevitably they will be treated differently because the same standard of expectations will be placed on them. Boys are disproportionately diagnosed more often with ADHD even though there isn't link to the XY chromosome. Teachers want an orderly classroom of students who sit quietly without tapping their legs or fidgeting in their seats. At the end of the day, does Devlin pretending to be a zombie make him a future juvenile delinquent? Should their unstructured physical activities be curtailed? Is it reasonable to expect a classroom of grade one students will quietly eat their lunch at their desks without adult supervision? Let's not forget that this is the first year that these children have had to eat a lunch at school.
While I can accept that it may take months for Devlin to adjust to the level of decorum the teachers expect, I don't think penalizing normal behaviour with detentions is the answer or solution. It's also very discouraging to both the parents and the student. And what about the academics? Why is there no mention of that, whether good or bad? That's my main concern. If he's lagging in the learning, then the behavioural incidents at school will only increase, and the chances of academic success will correspondingly decrease. By labelling a student as a problem child when it's often a question of maturity will lead to a diminished opportunities for that student to receive academic help. Let's face it - teachers talk amongst themselves, and it takes less energy to work with a "model" student. Humans are inherently lazy, and teachers already view themselves as overworked and underpaid.
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