No, this isn't about the stay-at-home mom vs. the working mom. Although, I'll say "Kudos" to the moms that do stay at home. I personally couldn't stay at home all the time. I do miss being at home with the kids, and wish there was some (feasible) way to stay home some days, but we make our choices. And here lies the subject of my rant.
Where do people get off saying because I work outside the home, in a paid position, I am not raising my child? Where do people get the idea that because we employ a nanny for our children's care, we are not raising our children ourselves? What about the scores of families who utilize a daycare or family friend or relative to mind their kids? How come they don't get lumped into the category of "not raising" their children?
I take such offence to comments about me shirking my duties as a parent/mother because I choose to work outside the home. The scenario that's painted is one of a woman who pops out a child and simply hands that infant over to some faceless person to "raise". Incidentally, the same argument is not lobbed at fathers who work outside the home. Apparently, the "raising" of children solely falls on the shoulders of mothers. Another rant for another day.
While we do employ a wonderful woman as a nanny for our children, it is strictly for the hours that we are at work. Just like if I dropped off the kids at a daycare. In terms of raising the children, we (mommy and daddy) are the ones who discipline the children when needed, who take them to the doctor's or emergency when they are ill, who fill out the required forms for school and meet the teachers, who cook the majority of their meals, who take the time to register them for lessons and sports and then accompany them to those classes, who bathe them every night, who kiss and cuddle them and dispel their fears, and most of all, who try to instill some sort of value system in them. And while we may have a nanny who lives with us, it is Mommy who wakes up the kids every morning and helps dress them before she leaves for work. It's mommy who checks that Devlin's school bag is packed with the necessary paperwork, and ensure his weekend homework was completed, and it's Mommy who shops for the nutritious (and sometimes not so nutritious) foods in the fridge. It's mommy and daddy who check for fevers and dose with medication when needed, and mommy and daddy who reads bedtime stories every night. It's mommy and daddy who does their laundry and ensures they have clean clothes to wear, and cooks their supper. (Yep - we do our own laundry and we prepare our own meals, not the nanny.) We teach our children to help set the table and take away their dirty plates when they've finished eating. We encourage them to pick up their toys when playtime is over. We've taught them to put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket every night. We teach them to say "sorry" when they've done wrong, and to share with their siblings. If that's not raising children, then I don't know what is.
And then sometimes I find myself having to defend my decision to hire a nanny in the first place. It's really a matter of finances. The cost of daycare is ridiculous, especially for infants. When you have more than one child, a nanny makes the most financial sense. What about socialization for the child? (Another argument that's apparently not applicable to the stay at home parent.) Well, with more than one child, there's always a playmate. I also strongly believe that your siblings are your best playmates and often, your best friends for life. It's never too early to establish those connections. Of course there were other factors that swayed us into going the nanny route. Both my spouse and I have a long commute to work. It's nice not to be pressured to rush through rush-hour traffic and panic when there's a delay because of uncontrollable factors (i.e. traffic accidents). Also, I like that my kids can eat a substantial snack during the afternoon, as dinners are not served when we arrive home. We lead an active life, and sometimes there are evening activities that occur before supper (frisbee, swimming). If the kids are ill, yes, having a nanny takes the pressure off having to call in sick to work and use up precious sick days. Sometimes, we still have to call in sick because we've been up with the sick child all night. But hey, that's part of "raising" a child.
For our family, our nanny is our child care. She takes Devlin to school. She gets their breakfast, lunch and snacks prepared. She plays with them during the day. She supervises "homework". She takes them to the park during the day. She puts them down for naps - all three of them. She also disciplines when they're naughty. Is this any different from what a day care worker does?
So, again I ask, why am I vilified for utilizing this child care option? Is it simply because I choose to work outside the home? There is a deeper issue here, and that is, why am I having to defend my decision to work at all? (And that's part 2 of the working mom's rant.)
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