One of the great debates occupying the parenting world is co-sleeping. The medical world views it as unsafe (too many incidents of people rolling over their children as they slumber unaware), the childless folks call it weird, half of the parenting world can't understand it, and the other half are ashamed to admit they do it. I honestly believe that no one, at least in the western world, set out to practice co-sleeping when they become parents. If they did, there would be no market for the vast array of cribs, layettes, bassinets, baby monitors, nursery paraphernalia. Who, in their right mind, chooses to have squirmy kids with leaky diapers in their cramped beds? It just happens, one night, when you're sleep deprived and exhausted to the bone, and then it stealthily becomes a part of your existence. And here's the thing, lots of people do it. It's the great conspiracy of parenthood. You think and believe you're the only parent who sleeps with their kid. Co-sleepers are ashamed to own up to it, lest they get labelled as deviants, but when you start talking to other parents, you realize you're not the only ones with wee ones tucked in next to you. Whether the kids start out in the parental/family bed or whether they creep into the bed in the middle of the night, there are many who sleep together.
We were like all other expectant parents. We picked out a gender neutral nursery scheme, purchased the crib and mattress, set up the baby monitor and awaited the birth of our first. We read all the books on sleep issues, and how to put baby to sleep, and read up on articles denouncing co-sleeping as evil. Our child would be sleeping in the crib. And he did for the first several months. We sleep trained him, "taught" him to fall asleep on his own, and congratulated ourselves for being "normal" parents.
And then, Devlin got sick. Nothing serious, but a first illness with a very high fever is enough to bring terror and worry to all first-time parents. He came into bed with us. He slept more soundly. We admit we liked the extra snuggling we got with him and we loved to gaze upon his sleeping features. Devlin got better, and try as we might, we couldn't convince him to return to the crib. At bed time, he'd point to our room. We'd start him off in our room, and then move him to his crib. We'd ease him back into the nursery, we reasoned. Eventually, we forgot to wake up and move him back. As we had both returned to work, sleeping together became our quality time. The scent of the urine soaked diaper at close proximity to one's face had nothing on a full night of uninterrupted sleep.
We made feeble attempts to get him out of bed. We bought a toddler bed and put it next to our bed. Sometimes he slept there. Sometimes he didn't. It didn't really matter to us as we had a queen sized bed and there was plenty of room for all.
Then came Ceilidh. Again, the crib was prepared to welcome a new baby. She spent one very short night there. That was one baby who knew what she wanted right from the start. The moment I placed her slumbering body into the crib, she started squirming and mewling. She made so many grunting noises that was amplified by the baby monitor that no one could sleep. That is, until I cuddled her next to me. Then Ceilidh would settle in and sleep quietly. She began to sleep through the night at 6 weeks. How could I complain about that? Did I really want to risk disrupting this new sleep pattern by trying to re-introduce the crib? No way.
Wayne calls our sleeping arrangement the "Inuit family", all snuggled up together as if we were in a one room igloo. My father says this co-sleeping is the natural way, that's how families practiced it for years and years before multi-roomed homes were conceived. In many parts of the world today, co-sleeping is the only way. Sometimes we justified it as our room being the only room that was really warm. The nursery was quite cold, until we fixed the insulation. There were nights when it was uncomfortable due to the positioning of little feet next to our faces, when we all froze because Ceilidh has a habit of kicking off the covers, when we were awakened from a sound sleep by the wetness of a leaking diaper, or the sound of Devlin's crying when he experienced a night terror. But the co-sleeping worked for us. We'd read bedtime stories and turn off the light, say our prayers, and snuggle in for a night's sleep. And if one of us adults felt too cramped or crowded, there were two other beds in the house that lay empty.
And then Aisling came along. In preparation for her arrival, and knowing that co-sleeping was now our way of life (at least for the time-being), we purchased a king-sized bed. Aisling actually spent a fair bit of the night sleeping in the bassinet next to me during the first few months, but eventually she too, took up residence in the family bed. Her favorite place to sleep is on top of me with her face pressed up against my neck. The siblings will intertwine their limbs and sometimes, Aisling will sleep on top of Devlin's head, but generally they sleep soundly with one another.
Nowadays, we encourage Devlin and Ceilidh to sleep in their room. Sometimes they do, all night. Sometimes, they will join us in the middle of the night. If one of the two joins us, then Daddy will leave to sleep with the other child. "It's not fair that he/she should sleep alone" he reasons. Three out of seven nights, all 3 will be in our bed.
And since I've returned to work, Devlin has taken to playing up to my guilty working-mom complex. "Mommy, I missed you so much today. Can I sleep with you tonight? I want to be next to you all night because I'm going to miss you all day tomorrow."
And how do I turn that down?
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